By all technicalities I begin college the 25th.
Yes, I have been accepted into college. I have known for a while, now, but my life tends towards pure chaos and I have hardly any time to sort out my seemingly intertwined thoughts, much less find the time and patience to post in here.
A few weeks ago my school of choice told me they needed me to come over to take some tests so they know I’m smart enough for college classes and so they know what math classes to put me in. The testing was computerized, as most tests are nowadays. However, before the testing began, the teacher(?) told me that my testing was being filmed and pointed towards a camera behind the computer facing where I was going to be. After reading a handy sign on the wall that said something along the lines of “Testing is filmed and can be viewed from the main lobby”, I unconsciously decided to take my placement testing in an incredibly dramatic manner. Just because I knew, or was under the impression, that people were watching me downstairs. Hooray for looking like a lunatic!
After the computerized testing I was asked to write a quick essay on the fly based off of a writing prompt, taking no more than twenty to thirty minutes to write my quick essay. Of course, I went completely off topic, but later found out that it must’ve been good enough because, after all, I was accepted.
Then I was lead to a room where a man and a woman interviewed me. I thought it was a bit odd because we sat in rocking chairs for the interview. Not the chairs that they have in classrooms that you can lean back in, but rocking chairs similar to what a grandmother would sit in while she knits. Although I nodded so vigorously that I flung my sunglasses off of my head and behind my rocking chair, the interview somehow went well.
Now that I have endured all of the embarrassment and anxieties associated with that situation I face very new and big challenges.
The fact that I am eighteen-years-old and that I am, in a nutshell, $40,000 in debt is a bit overwhelming. It makes me angry that society traps you into being in debt no matter what path you decide to take.
I’m angry and stressed because my college over accepts so much so that they have more students than beds. Which is weird because they require all freshmen to live on campus to “experience college life to the fullest” or some uniquely worded phrase that actually means, “We want as much money as we can get from you”. Since I wasn’t accepted until July for the upcoming fall semester, and there is currently a waiting list on housing, I will most likely have to commute forty-five minutes (one way) every day until enough people drop out and make room. BOGUS.
Then there is the harsh reality that I will be attending a week long orientation on August 25th and classes start September 2nd. It hasn’t kicked in entirely. In regards to actually being a college student, I am all of the emotions. I am emotional soup. Heck yeah I’m excited! Meeting new friends, more freedom, being able to visit people… But it’s going to be a completely different experience than what I’m used to. I will have to be around PEERS. I find people my own age TERRIFYING. I’ll have to do things alone, I will have to be in environments that I consider germy. I’m sad because I feel like I’m abandoning my family. My grandmother wants to make sure she spends time with me before I go off, my parents want bonding time, and among that I am also trying to see my friends and my boyfriend who I won’t be able to see as much, presumably.
Every emotion possible is being felt. And there’s 23 more days.